LOL 4 Dummies

ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WHICH WILL GRAB YOUR ATTENTION EVEN THOUGH I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING INTERESTING TO SAY.

So I didn’t really have a favorite comment this week, so you all lose.  However, I did get a comment that complimented me AND insulted me in about 3-ish sentences which is kind of mean a skill.  I thought about making an award for this insult/compliment complisult, but instead a just wrote “good job” on the back of an old receipt that I found in my pocket.

“This is completely off-topic, but chunkyknubbynavel almost made me piss myself laughing. I just thought you should know. Your artwork is much better than anything I could do, which actually isn't much of a compliment. Sorry.”  -That Ain’t Kosher

Thanks and unthanks, my friend!

ACTUAL STORY

Internet language has always been a frustrating topic for me.  I think it is because I believe that the English language is some totes magotes wicked sweet lingo affective if used correctly.  Actually, I think I might just be bitter because it wasn’t until a few months ago that I actually learned what ROFL meant, but I didn’t want anyone to know that I thought ROFL meant “Reading On Front Lawn” I didn’t know how to use ROFL, so I used it anyways.  No one ever corrected me because all of you are jerks.

Example 1
Friend: Hey, want to go grab some dinner.
Me: No, I can’t, man.  I gotta ROFL and ROFL
“Read Oedipus for Lecture” and “Rescue Orphans from Lightweight boxers” 

Example 2
Friend: I’m balding.
Me: Omg, ROFL.

“Rogaine Omits Follicle Losses”

Basically, I’m very helpful and heroic...acronymically.  Which is a WIJI (Word I Just Invented).

A few days ago, my anger at internet language exploded, which consequently caused two people to go without dessert because I’m that powerful.

Texting:

Me:  Hey!  What’s going on?
Friend: Eating dinner lol

No one laughs about eating dinner because eating dinner isn’t funny unless you’re eating dinner with midgets I mean little people.  Then I turned green, ripped my shirt off like the Hulk, found a new shirt, and texted my friend’s mother and told her not to give my friend any dessert because my friend is an idiot.

Friend’s Mom:  But she loves dessert lol
Me:  You can’t have any dessert either.
Friend’s Mom: Okay.

I’m influential.

So I wrote the most powerful eight page novel of this generation a stupid book about shirtless vampires.  It is called “LOL 4 Dummies” because I also hate when people use numbers instead of words and so when I use “4” in my title, I am being hilarious.  Appreciate it.

I'm going to be a billionaire.

If any of you dare to leave me comment that just says “lol,” I will figure out your address, and mail you a letter that says you won a free boat, but you WON’T HAVE WON A FREE BOAT. You will be sad, and I will win.

-Whitney