Me: I need to write a blogpost, but I don’t wanna. I don’t feel funny.
Ryan: You just told me that you are pregnant with salmonella.
Me: THAT’S NOT FUNNY. THAT IS SERIOUS.
I am not going to give you any back-story.
Now that I’m married, I have to fake being an adult and do things like
John Calcott Horsley 1817-1903.
He doesn't really look like he invented the Christmas card, but I guess everyone needs a hobby.
|“I invented Christmas cards and child abuse because THOSE STUPID KIDS WON’T STAND STILL AND I JUST WANT THIS PICTURE TO CAPTURE HOW BEAUTIFUL OUR FAMILY IS. PLEASE JUST THIS ONCE. FOR MOMMY. MOMMY IS GOING TO CRY AND USE PHOTOSHOP.”|
Dear estranged family members and people whom I don’t know but came to my wedding,
Well, it’s that time of year again! That time of year when implied social law demands that I send you a card which inclides
“I wish those who unsettle you would emasculate themselves!”
May you all carefully reflect on Paul’s words during this holiday season.
I would like to thank those of you who sent us Christmas cards and letters! It was so nice to see that those kids you have
As far as what I’ve done with my life this year, I once acted out an episode of Jersey Shore. Ryan has been much more prolific, but he also acted out an episode of Jersey Shore. We have a cat. I threaten to drop-kick it a lot. I do drop-kick it a lot.
Whitney, Ryan, and Rimsky
PS Enclosed is the address “of the apartment I am moving to, so please send next year’s Christmas card here.”
Nope. I’m not creative enough to think of a fake address.
PS that has unrelated to the Christmas letter. We have a fan page up on facebook now because I want to meet Tina Fey. Don’t try to make the connection.