Sunday, February 20, 2011

I'M YELLING AT YOU. Now I'm not.

TWO Whitney and Ryan conversations!

Conversation One

Whitney:  You’re just jealous because Conan O’Brien is my emergency contact and you’re not!

Ryan: What???

Whitney:  He helps me get out of trees.

Conversation Two

Whitney: ...and then I force them, using threats of violence,
I forgot what I was talking about."

Ryan: Blanket ice skating*.

*Blanket ice skating is when you throw a blanket on the wood floor, and then you slide around on it.  Whitney happens to be a blanket skating prodigy, but everyone no one recognizes her skills.  They also don't recognize Blanket Ice Skating as something at which one can be a prodigy.  Mothers appreciate blanket ice skating and will say, “I guess my annual mopping has been done for me.”  Blanket ice skating makes you a hero.

This week...a deer pooped at me.  I know you’re thinking, “I'm hungry Whitney, that’s not a thing,“ but it is a thing.  You rush to the window, hoping to have one of those moments when you gently lean your head against the window, stare out into the world thinking about candy art, lift your head off of the window, wipe off that little mark that your face left from your face grease, and walk away feeling content, but also knowing you need to wash your face...but NO.

I’ve actually illustrated it for you.  You're welcome.  I've also named each picture something very artsy stupid.

Fear and Contemplation
Confusion on the Other Side
"I'm Gonna Poop"
The Visual

And so ends a very short post about the one topic I swore to myself that I would never write about: poop.

PS  TINA FEY I AM ON TO YOU!  You stole both my discotheque joke AND the one about how anyone who says "this thing we call life" should be beaten.  I know you're reading this blog.  You owe me some money friendship!!!!!