This has nothing to do with my story, but I’m tired. In fact, I’m SO tired that I sent several family members a nonsense underwear-related email. Stockings are for underwear and toothpaste, and I wanted to get this right.
“Do you want special Christmas underwear? I can only assume that Christmas underwear would make you feel all tingly from the magic of Christmas being so near your butt. I don't know what I meant by that. I should stop studying and go to bed. And I'll get you regular underwear.”
I haven’t slept in a week. Also, beware, anyone in my family...beware of Christmasy underwear.
I HAVE ONE MORE STORY BEFORE MY REAL STORY!
I was at Best Buy purchasing a few non-undergarment-related presents. I had to stand in line for about an hour
Employee: Hey KIddo!
Me: Kiddo? I’m like...married and crap.
Employee: **Squints at me, puts both hands on her hips, bends down and stares directly into my eyes** Does somebody need a cookie?
Me: **Pouts** Yes.
The moral of the story is...take cookies from strangers. I assumed the cookie was poisonous, but I ate it anyway
I feel like complaining. Like complaining about the Zombie Apocalypse. Because it’s stupid. I think I am in a bad mood because I have two different brands of contacts in my eye and one is thicker than the other and you should probably pity me because I’m like Quasimodo except instead of the Hunchback of Notre-Dame, I’m the Bumpy Eye of My Particular Apartment Complex.
Anyway, more often than one would expect, I am asked silly questions like, “Who would win in a fight: zombies or unicorns? What about zombies or vampires.” And I reply with, “Let me answer your question with a question. Is there any trick to remembering how to spell “breath” versus “breathe?” Then no ones’ questions are answered, and I have probably written a lot of awful papers in which I “took a deep breathe.” Also, zombies will never win anything. Here’s my book “The Zombie Apocalypse for Dummies.”
I hope you all have a very neutral holiday,
PS A huge "thank you" to John from Strange Weapon of the Week, for some blogging tips. Go check out his site if you want to learn about awesome things like vomit guns. Seriously. It's a thing.