Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Metaphorical Soap Keeps Requiring me to Pick it Up

There is a very good chance that this post will not be funny at all.   I just took my German final, and just when you start to believe that nothing is more unfunny than German...you have to take a test about German.  And then, when you think nothing can be unfunnier than a German test, you finish your test and try to go hand it in, but your butt gets stuck between two desks and you have to gracefully remove yourself do a little flailing dance to get unstuck and then you accidentally blurt out, "Oh my, pay no attention to me, classroom of people, and keep working diligently on your exam" “That was sexy,” but it wasn’t. sexy.  Basically German is embarrassing and not sexy. 

If you’ve never been here before, maybe you should start here. Or something.  Anywhere but here.

It’s been one of those weeks when you think things are under control, but then bad stuff happens.  Umm, I’m trying to think of a metaphor.  Uhh...this week has been like when the bar of soap falls off of its little ledge in the shower and it lands on your foot but you don’t pick it up so that you can teach it a lesson, but next time you get in the shower you HAVE to pick up the soap and the soap wins.  Soap is smarter than me and German isn’t sexy.

Wait, nevermind.  I just got smarter than soap.

I think I just made an invention in my mind.  Now I have to go draw it!  It’s like shower shoes, only much more...bigger.  It’s basically a tissue box that you stick your foot in.  And since Plastic>Paper Inc. is so successful right now, these shoes are going to have a soft, spongy center, and a thick plastic outer shell because, seriously, is paper going to help you survive the trauma of light foot bruising?  I think not.

Here, I started sketching a commercial, but I can’t think of a name for this invention, so if you think of something, you should let me know.  “Shower Shoes” is both taken and lame, so, yeah.  I’m out of ideas and you guys are really creative.


Then also when your friend comes over and says, “Hey, why do you have two plastic bricks in your bathroom?” you can be like, “Because they are my shower shoes and those shoes protect me BETTER THAN ANY MAN EVER COULD!”  Then your friend will not care about your shower shoes, but he or she will know that you are very bitter about being single.

Before I got so distracted, I was ACTUALLY going to write about how Rachel and I were nominated for “Best Original Artwork” on 20sb and how that must make you all idiots because everyone knows that “Best Original Artwork” belongs to a kid who got an associate’s degree in photography and took a picture of a bee that is really close to a flower.  Not ON the flower, but really close.  Seriously. I’m going to google “Bee Close to Flower.” 

Was that not EXACTLY what you were imagining?
But in all seriousness, thank you for the nomination but also go to an art museum.


PS Michelle Marcell emailed me back, not once, but twice.  With like...pictures of "her ID."  I'll post her email and my reply once I work up the energy.