Friday, January 28, 2011

My brother is so cute. Please don't murder me.

Okay. So. I haven’t blogged in a long time. This is because not much funny has gone on in my life, and I just have not been able to compose a worthy post.
This is code for: Rachel is lazy. But she is working on it, so please forgive her. ....Eh, me. I mean me.
Oh, and excuse number 2 is that sometimes I want to blog about people that probably read my blog, and I am afraid they will be insulted. For example, I have a funny story about my brother that I am hesitant to tell you......but it’s SO blogworthy. So I am going to tell it, and if I don’t post again soon you will know that it is either because I am lazy, as is my usual excuse, or that I have been murdered in my sleep by my big brother. Both are equally likely.
So here goes....
It was Christmas Day, 2010. My brother got an iPod. That’s all he got, because an iPod=lots of dollars. 

****You know, just in case that wasn’t clear enough and you needed a picture to comprehend it.

I got lots of presents. So many of them. I don’t want to brag here, but I got a glorious amount of presents that were monetarily equal to my brother’s single present, but still. A. Lot. Of. Presents. Fake Santa came through.
Anyways. One of my presents was a Chemex. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s a fancy glass vessel for making pour-over coffee. It looks kind of like this:

And now I must explain my brother. He is a barista at an Indie coffee shop, and he is incredibly passionate about Good Coffee. If you mention the word “Starbucks” to him, he will probably take a Venti Sugarfree Non-Fat White Chocolate Mocha with Extra Whipped Creme and shove it down your throat, cup, lid, cardboard sleeve and all.
So on Christmas morning, when I opened my present and out came a Chemex, which I had asked Fake Santa for the previous month, my brother said...

So then he proceeded to remove my Chemex from its box, and assemble all the pieces and whatnot, and then he had to make ME a pour over, because I don’t do it right and it’s a science and you have to control all the variables and time it and make it JUST RIGHT......
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he makes it way too strong for me, and variable and science or no, I always like it better when I do it myself.......
So the next day, I told my dad, “I’M GONNA MAKE MY OWN DAMN POUR OVER!!”
And I did.
(Part 2 of that story.....)
The other day I was at my neighbor’s house, because it was Emily Kate’s third birthday, so we ate pizza and cake and did birthdayish things, and as the evening progressed, Emily’s six-year-old sister Madeline began sulking a bit because Emily wouldn’t share her birthday present with Madeline.
I secretly empathized with Emily. She just wanted to make her OWN damn pour over. I mean.........whatever.


  1. Chemex sounds like something that should explode or poison ants. But coffee is good too =) I'm so glad you posted!


  2. Never heard of a chemex but then again I don't drink coffee... I totally sympathise though; it's like when my brother insists on making me a hot chocolate with organic cocoa powder and I'm like... yeah... thanks.... but in my head I'm all DAMMIT I prefer nesquik because it's way more sugary and I don't give a crap if my hot chocolate's not organic!


    Sorry about that. I got a bit carried away.

  3. Oh, Chris. He are cute. I love that story. But I still think you should've told the OTHER Emily Kate story....mwahahaha!
    This is Liz, by the way.
    The Captain is my blogger name.
    That's right, I have a blog.
    What now?!

  4. I knew that was you, liz, because i recognize your word usage and even if i don't know it's you when I start reading, i still hear your voice and KNOW it's you.


  5. the way you write and the illustrations are beyond hilarious :)

  6. an iPod still rocks though... just sayin' (:

  7. Bahaha! I understand where you're coming from! I think I'm going to make a limit as far as how many freebies they get...most days and occasions almost as soon as we stop laughing I hear a, "you better not blog or tweet about this!"

  8. i'd do the same re:starbucks
    but dang, he's got some coffee issues :p

    oh the joys of siblings! :D

  9. the only thing funnier than this post was actually being there to see it play out. I've never seen a 25 year old man so jealous over a christmas present :P

  10. Chemex definitely make the best coffee...

  11. I thought you got Chexmix for Christmas and I thought that rocked! I like Chexmix, expecially the chocolate flavors. But coffee is cool too.


  12. At first glance, I thought this post was about chexmix too!! Then I got all worried because I gave you chexmix for Christmas. I used to be a coffee snob too....then I got married, had kids and became poor....or poorer. Now I'll drink nooked Folgers for my afternoon pick-me-up.....whatever works.

    -the Asian neighbor

  13. I love the iPod = $$$ pic =)

    P.S. I am a coffee freak too!!!