Sunday, December 12, 2010

Timmy, Whaddya Tase?

Classes are all finished now, and I only have three finals next week, so I think I win.  Every semester around this time I get stressed out and threaten to quit school and do something ridiculous for the orphans.  This year I plan on quitting school and opening a classy bowling alley. 

Me: Ryan, I want to quit school and open a bowling alley.

Ryan:  Please think about what you’re saying. Do you really want to associate with the “bowling crowd?”

Me: Rednecks need love too, Ryan.  But, I’m not going to associate with them, I am going to “own” them.  It’s for the greater good.

Ryan:  Mullets are not for the greater good.  They are all business in the front and a party in the back.


Ryan: What?

Me:  CLASSY BOWLING ALLEY.  There will be martinis and a discotheque.  That’s what kids are into, right?

Ryan: Discotheque?

Me: I’m pretty sure Obama said something like that.

Ryan: Where?

Me: In Time Magazine.

I’m really looking out for the children.


Since “LOL 4 Dummies”  seemed to force me to threaten many people with free boats teach many of you an important lesson, I thought that I’d continue with the “4 Dummies” series with “The Zombie Apocalypse 4 Dummies.”

THEN, one afternoon I was wasting time on YouTube, and searched “Taser,” (don’t question my antics) and from the videos that popped up, it became apparent to me that someone needs to teach people what should and what shouldn’t be tasered.  tased.  tasered.  tased.  I am currently setting my “4 Dummies” efforts aside to dabble in children's literature.  This first book is really moving is titled “Timmy, Whaddya Tase?”

You might have to click on the pictures to read the text.  Sorry it's so small, but I'm an author, not a magical make text bigger wizard.

See?  I'm an American hero.


PS When I gave you my twitter name and was all like, "hey, follow me," I didn't mean for you to open a new twitter account with the names like "Cinnamon DeepLusty,"  take a topless picture of yourself, and THEN follow me on Twitter. 

PPS I want to do some serious pimping out of this blog.  I know NOTHING about html stuff, so if anyone is willing to help me out, shoot me an email.  I don't really have money, but I'll give you my firstborn. Ryan.  a shout-out for your blog or something.


  1. I am pretty sure the word discotheque should never be used, ever!

    Just saying...

  2. I'd totally come to that bowling alley. Maybe. Okay, probably not- I don't really like to bowl. I'm not very athletically inclined.

    But I will read your blog. Which has to count for something.

    go to blogfrog/SITS page-

    You can probably find some info about Html stuff there, also find more people to follow your blog

  3. Yes, Timmy. Tase ALL things. (except bunnies... usually)


  4. haha you have a ridiculous way with words, in a good way. Stop distracting me from my homework!

  5. Dang, I was going to follow you on Twitter as a sexy male stripper who wanted a free boat, but I guess I'll just follow you as my currently only account (Rob_of_the_Sky). Now I'm going to take my classy self to the discotehque as that's what the classy people are doing today.

  6. I approve of tasering of fratboys. Also I read up a ton on "blog pimping", so i'd be happy to throw some ideas your way in exchange for a shoutout to my blog.

  7. Lol Whitney has never smoked weed but sounds like she has, that part cracked me up!

  8. lol, that was great, nice blog. i think you should publish this book, i could see it becoming a children's bestseller... and also thanks for the kind words

  9. The only way I can pimp out my blog is through The Cutest Blog On The Block. I think they've got some of the best layouts and they explain how to set them up.

    Other than that, since this is blogspot, you can use their template designer and personalize it however you'd like. Just some suggestions!!

  10. Yup. I'm pretty much the same way. Everytime something gets too hard for my brain to handle - I want to quit!

  11. There is a whole group of bunnies that wish this would've been published years ago.

    Or maybe just like 2-3 bunnies. I don't know how frequent bunny tasing really is.


  12. @Rob- You should take your sexy male twitter self to the discotheque. All the classy ladies will oggle you while you drink super classy drinks. Like not beer.

    @Suz Thanks for the tips!

    @Lor-And those 2-3 bunnies should be honored for their sacrifice...don't you think?

  13. Hey Whitney, you're pretty funny yourself :)

    You don't need to know html to pimp out your blog. Blogspot's got some new themes and stuff and you can customize, and it's pretty easy. Just click on "Design" and go from there.

    One more tip, you should link your 20sb badge to your profile instead of their home page. Here's how:


  14. LOL, you're funny,
    I love reading the words you cut out :P

    You don't need to know html for designing your blog anymore! Just go to your Dashboard and click "Design" under your blog name. They have a Template Designer, you can use it for all sorts of things :D

    Btw, I just stumbled upon your blog and I love it, I'm definitely following.

    Check you mine if you'd like.


  15. A bar in a bowling alley? Amazing, but dangerous. It could end in murder.

  16. I'd love a classy bowling alley...but only if you pick the right kind of shoes.

  17. @Krystle

    Like bowling in heels? I can make that happen!


  18. All I have to say is you are hilarious!! Love bowling:)

  19. like one of those classy hair salons that serves martinis? those are def. classy. so would a bowling alley. what about a themed - pottery barn bowling alley?
    just a thought.

  20. Oh my are taking this bowling alley in some pretty awesome directions. How about I hire you all and we start working on this? I can pay you in hugs.


  21. Love your sense of humor! You have me in stitches. Thanks for visiting my blog and liking my unfinished Christmas cards.

  22. EPIC! You are hilarious! I'm certain we crossed crossed paths for a reason!

  23. Anytime I need a good laugh I can rely on you.

  24. Oh my god. Your blog.

    oh my god.

    You are like Tina Fay meets Allie Brosh meets Anchorman meets ME.

    Be still, my heart.

  25. @Bipolar Belle

    That is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. 2 minutes ago I was dying from the flu, and I think you just cured me.