Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A story about me scaring off another one. Enjoy.

Annnnnnd...she’s back.
Hello again, followers of CKN!! I have missed you. Not really. Because I don’t know most of you...and the ones I do know I see pretty often. But still. 
I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, so once again I have to grovel a little and give you a list of lame excuses.
Excuse number one:  I’m really busy....doing important stuff.
Excuse number two: I’ve been on another continent, helping...people...and endangered monkeys.
Excuse number three: My contract at my office job ended, so I have had fewer funny things to gripe about.
I’ll give you a hint: two of these are lies.
Anyways, yeah, no more boring office job!! But now I have too much down time, which is kind of good because I like to do laundry and read books, but soon I’m hoping to be working again, and taking classes, because, quite honestly, I’m boooored.
But to occupy my extra time, I’ve been working on some writing (not blog related, apparently....) and doing a little bit of socializing, which is good, because I didn’t do much of that for like...a year.
I’ve recently started going swing dancing weekly, with some of my friends. The repercussive opinions of my friends have been rather mixed on this subject....

Some friends:

Other friends:

But it’s ok because the best kind of friends are the kind who can hate and disdain you and still be your friends! Wait......
Anyways, there are some nice people who go to swing. There are also some gooberish people...who are still nice. But also gooberish.
For example. There is this physically disabled guy (we’ll call him....Disabled Guy) who keeps coming onto me. Don’t get me wrong, I have noooo problem with disabled people.  What bothers me about this guy, is that he sort of uses his disability to instill pity in girls in order to pick them up. Not cool.

So this guy has some sort of disability, I don’t know what it is exactly, because it’s not bad enough for him to be wheelchair bound, but it’s bad enough that he seems to have some difficulty walking. Which begs the question, what is he doing at a swing dancing social?? Thing is, I’m not that good of a dancer myself, so it makes it really hard when the guy who’s leading isn’t easy to follow...but I’m a nice girl. So I don’t turn boys down when they ask me to dance. Because that would hurt their feeeeeelings.....and then their tentacles would bleed all over me. Ew.
So this guy asked me if I wanted to play the “Random Questions” game while we danced....which is the second lamest pickup. But I humored him, and we asked each other dumb irrelevant things that real adults don’t actually ask each other, such as, “What’s your favorite color?” or “If you could have any superpower, what would it be?” Yaaaawn.
Then he asked a brilllllllliant question. “Soooo....I’m not coming onto you or anything, but do you have a boyfriend?”
Yeah, boys, I hate to break it to you, but when you guys ask us that, we ladies are smart enough to know you’re lying.
But I politely said, “No....”
To which he replied, “Fiance...?”
And then my favorite part happened. This is where I became Not a Nice Girl, and I said, “You didn’t ask me if I had a husband.”
The look on his face gave me leave to be convinced he’d crapped his pants.

Like I said. It really wasn’t his disability that turned me off, I just didn’t like him as a person. But seeing as there’s no nice way to say that, I carefully avoided him for the rest of the evening.
The End.


  1. Oh Rachel, not only are you superwoman for posting since I have not had the time, but you made me laugh so hard!

    Glad you're back!


  2. THANK YOU FRIEND!!! I was seriously afraid everyone would hate me for this post. It's kind of ......mean. But then, so am I.....


  3. Oh my goodness, why don't you post more often?! *mean face* I laughed so hard reading this! Especially at the pants crapping picture. =)

  4. Ha ha...your post is funny, Rachel. You are totally justified in putting that guy in his place-he was being manipulative, not deserving of your kindness! I'll have to read your archives for the "boring office" stuff...that place was a goldmine for material, I'm sure. :]

  5. Guys like that really piss me off. Good for you.

  6. Sooooo...I'm not coming on to you or undressing you in my mind or want to motorboat you or anything of that nature, but do you have a husband and/or girlfriend?

    (heh, she'll never know that my intentions aren't pure. Wait, I'm saying this on the internet? Damn it!)

  7. Wow Rach. Nicely done. I am surprised that you don't have a nice 4 carat cubic zirconia to wear when you're out and not interested in being approached. I had one for several years till I got my real ring...which was NOT 4 carats and took awhile for me to adjust to the downgraded size. ANYWAYS, swing dancing is awesome. But if someone invites you to a swing party....the answer is no. Keep posting! And if you need blog fodder, then you are welcome to come hang out with the crazies that live here.

  8. Thanks Rach! And actually, I was incidentally wearing a ring that I could've totally kept up the lie..but that would be wrong. So I set him straight, after enjoying my three minutes of CrapPantsFace victory....

    And people wonder why I'm still single. :P

  9. Ha! I love that the "disdainers" were all drawn in emo colors. It's like... you were saying stuff about them without words.

    I think that's alliteration. Or maybe hyperbole. Or perhaps an apostrophe. I don't remember these things.


  10. I admire you for being honest. "Do you have a boyfriend," would've been met with, "I'm not turning you down SO HARD or anything, but yes. Yes I do."

    Not that that matters much to some men now-a-days, but it's worth a shote. :)


  11. Swing dancing is great! At least with guys who are good at it. I dunno though, my boyfriend and I just make stuff up and that's still pretty fun. ^_^ OH, but this one time I was at a club, like your everyday (or night, as the case may be) dance club, and this guy asked me to swing dance. It was so random. Too bad I had no idea how to swing dance at the time.

  12. Hilarious and refreshing. This is my first time visiting your blog but i'm sooo coming back.

    Alice X

  13. First off, I'm furious that your blog doesn't show up in my stream, so I'm going to un-follow and re-follow to see if I can get that squared away, I just thought you had stopped blogging. All those tears were for naught....
    I really want Boyfriend to propose to me soon, even if it's with a ring you get in the plastic egg machines at grocery stores. Some men do NOT LET UP, and having just a boyfriend does not seem to be enough. Good for you, and I envy your effective creeper-cop-out.

  14. Beautifu! Been a long time. Hope you are doing well! Drop by my check out my new post when you have time.