Monday, December 6, 2010

The Stache Stash That Discourages Friendship

This post is going to be short because I’m going to ROFL Reduce Optimism in Foreign Lands.  That won’t make any sense unless you’ve read this.  But seriously, this is going to be short and possibly unfunny because I’m tired from spending my morning conducting a choir of 45 girls who were probably all judging me for what I was wearing really impressed with my skillzs.

I thought I’d introduce you all to my Stache Stash.  What’s a Stache Stash you ask?  It is what happens when you get married when you’re 20. It’s not a disease.  Hold on, and I’ll explain.

STORY

I had this conversation about 42 times after I got back from my honeymoon:

Friend: Oh my goodness, how was your honeymoon!?  I bet it was like so totally super romantic!!!!! LOL!

Me:  LOL OMGEE IT LIKE SO TOTALLY WAS We bought fake mustaches. 

Friend:  Uh, what?

Whitney:  It’s really nice because when I put one on you can’t even tell who I am.  Plus, it emphasizes the physical similarities between myself and Andy Reid.

Friend: ...

Whitney:  Umm, I’ll be right back.

And then I put on one of my fake mustaches and none of my 42 friends ever recognized me again.  They also never tried to call, so I put them on my special list because I’m sure they’re all very busy.

All of the mustaches are now stuck on the mirrors of my car.  If you are ever in trouble with the law, let me know because I’ll come rescue you and hook you us with an array of disguises.  Here, look at my pretty pictures.


You can put them on the mirror so you can see how awesome you look being in disguise



I do have a story though about how the Stache Stash does not help me make friends because sometimes I forget about the Stache Stash and how it usually requires a small explanation.

STORY 2

Once upon a time, I was giving a girl from school a ride to her apartment.  The sun was shining, so I lowered my mirror to block the sun...thus revealing Stache Stash.  Then the following happened:

*Girl eyes Stache Stash and looks a little scared*
*I think one thing, but says something else completely out of context*

Me: It’s okay.  I’m married.

Girl: Oh, how nice.

Me: No, I mean it’s okay that I have fake mustaches in my car because they half belong to my husband and also they help disguise us and emphasize the physical likeness between myself and Andy Reid.

Girl: You can pull over here.

Me: I’m normal!
Girl: You can pull over here.


Friendship averted earned.

-Whitney



Crouched down in secrecy

33 comments:

  1. Nice. You make the stache work. Because you're married. Unmarried women could not handle the stache.

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  2. I am not sure what that means, but thanks!

    Whitney

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  3. you look ridiculously attractive in the last picture.

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  4. Nothing could be more romantic than buying staches together on your honeymoon.

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  5. I also had a similar stache stache for non related bank robbing, I mean legitimate financial investing.

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  6. love the stache collection! and go ahead and decorate your tree, make whatever ornaments you have work for you and get creative with the rest. if you happen to take pictures make sure to stop by and let me know so i can see it : )

    life spelled jen

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  7. A fine collection that would certainly make Mr. Potato head proud....but alas, Mr. Potato head is an irritating bland vegetable who is owned by his wife.

    I will be impressed with your Stache Stash once you have acquired a handlebar stache that would make Yosemite Sam proud to call you a friend....and after you've become a registered member of the handlebar stache club. (http://www.handlebarclub.co.uk)

    I also think you might need to have your eyes checked....as Andy Reid is both fat, ugly, & blond'ish. But my vision is only 20/20....maybe yours is better. Personally, I would match you with Sigourney (http://funkrazy.blogspot.com/2010/11/famous-female-celebrities-with.html)

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  8. You are funny, and I want a stache stash.

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  9. I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts!You're a funny lady! :)

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  10. I would have a stache stash, that's quality! Also, probably why I'm still single :(

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  11. I lol'ed. :-D

    And wow, conducting a choir of 45 girls does sound rather draining! But somehow I don't think it's even possible to make a 'stache stash unfunny... :-3

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  12. I think I know what I'm asking for this Christmas...

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  13. There is simply no way that you resemble Andy Reid, even with the "stache."

    For one thing, you don't appear to have been birthed by at least one walrus.

    Also the eyes. Your eyes look totally different.

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  14. wish we did that on our honeymoon... I think.

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  15. This post made me laugh :)

    And now I really want a stache! i can think of so many uses for it lol!

    Thanks for checking out my blog too! And remember, there's a giveaway coming up soon for followers.

    xo

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  16. Dear Chunky Knubby Navel,

    I mean, go right ahead and speak to my soul by leaving a School of Rock comment on my blog. Just do it. But in all seriousness slash not seriousness, I have laughed 9.7 times in the last 2 minutes reading your blog and I am in. love. witchoo. Please lets be blogland weirdo friends.

    Stephanie at Life Shiny Side Up

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  17. Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie...let's indeed be blogland weirdo friends. Should we get rings? Or at least matching T-shirts?

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  18. This is hillarious. I'll be married at this coming may. We're not going on a honeymoon, but damnit i want a fake stache.

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  19. This is too funny :) I just got married this weekend, and I am now celebrating with fake moustaches!

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  20. LOL...This is so freakin' hilarious! It's so funny because it the last picture you look so calm and collected. Love it!!

    Thanks for the comment on my post! I'm tellin' ya, that creamer is delish!! :) Have a wonderful day!!

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  21. I love the "It's ok! I'm married!" after the awkward eyeing of your stache repository. It is flawless non-sequitur action!

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  22. Thanks for the comment! If you like my blog I'd love a follow, I can't get many followers for some reason. Although I added yours right after reading this post, can't wait to read the rest!

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  23. 'stache number two is an epic win. I recently saw this amazing mug that has a handlebar mustache on it. Fabulous.

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  24. haha, like the photo. maybe i'll pick up one of those ... thanks too for visiting my blog! 'preciate it.

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  25. love it. especially the one on the mirror :)

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  26. lol...I couldn't pull that off with my blonde hair. LOVE IT!

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  27. This? This is perfect. It also sounds like something that would happen when the boy and I get married and go on our honeymoon, haha. And it's not creepy at all - I don't know why she didn't pull one off and wear it!

    And thanks for dropping by the ol' bloggeroo! :)

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  28. lOl. Wow. that was funny. My favorite part: "You can pull over here... "I'm normal!...You can pull over here". Haha. Did that really happen?

    O.F.C.J.

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  29. while you don't look as ugly as Andy Ried, I won't lie, I definitely can kinda see a small amount of resemblance when you have the fake mustache and are frowning.

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  30. @Tom

    That is probably the most offensive thing that anyone has ever said to me. Nice work.

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