MEN.

I am currently single.
While at the moment I don't have a ton of prospects pursuing me, I do have a lot of people trying to set me up with their brothers/sons. It seems that everyone would like me for a sister/daughter in law but no really desires me for a wife at this time. I am ok with this fact…which is why I'm still single.

The other day, however, I did have a guy hit on me at work.
This was odd because when I am at work, usually the only people who talk to me are the ones who want me to do something for them. And I'm not very social at work because I'm always in grumpy-work-mode, counting down the hours till I can leave and hoping that everyone will just leave me alone in the meantime.

But anyways, this guy was named Franco. What kind of a name is that?!?

I decided that "Franco" is a more appropriate name for a gay hairdresser than for my ideal man. My ideal man is a handsome, rugged, crossbow-wielding, bearded lumberjack man. Such a man needs a manlier name….like……….Logan. Yes, Logan would be a good name for him. (**note: I might or might not have just described a hybrid of Hugh Jackman characters. You don't know.)

(1) - dreamy eyes
(2) - nicely trimmed but still scruffy beard
(3) - chest hair
(4) - unbuttoned plaid flannel shirt, exposing chest hair
(5) - axe (crossbow is currently hanging above our fireplace in the cabin Logan singlehandedly built. also, crossbows are hard to draw.)
(6) - muddy boots
Gay hairdresser named Franco:

(1) - faux hawk which probably took like an hour to arrange
(2) - shaven face, as soft and smooth as a baby's butt
(3) - purple shirt ordered online when he was supposed to be working
(4) - shiny shoes

Of course, the real Franco is not gay, obviously. If he was, he wouldn't be hitting on me. And considering the fact that he works with me, he is also not a hairdresser….as far as we know. But on the manliness scale, he was a bit closer to this end of the spectrum then my Ideal Man…
On second thought….

Franco. FRANK. OH.
FRANK O's…??

That sounds like some sort of hot dog cereal. Maybe he is an aspiring exotic cereal inventor.

Ew. Who would want to date THAT guy??? And more importantly, who would want to eat that cereal!?!?!  Oh well. Wait until he finds out that not only do I work with him, but this means that we BOTH work with my MOM. That'll scare him off!  And if that doesn't work, there's always my second tactic…

And of course if THAT doesn't work, I'll sick my lumberjack man on him.

 

--Rachel